The Disposable Sizzle

By Keith N Fisher

I don’t remember all the details, but years ago, when my wife and I were dating, I purchased a disposable barbecue grill. We were out together and in an attempt at romance, I decided I would treat her to a picnic.

I bought some hamburger, buns, chips and salad, I think. We went up the canyon and I started the charcoal. It was a disaster. Like I said I don’t remember the details, but I do remember the cold fire, raw hamburgers and me feeling like a clod.

We were married in 1986 before the advances in technology, but I still cringe when I see the disposable grills for sell.

On this blog, I’ve written about the top of the line Ferrari barbecues, and I’ve written about the public grills that nobody uses. I passed a disposable grill display at work the other day and decided to write about that. I bought one for $5.99 and brought it home.

My wife asked, "what is that?"

I said, "research."

the contents of the package. A little flimsy
With trepidation, I girded my loins and tried to put my bad experience behind me. Moving forward I opened the package and followed the instructions.

The fire I lit lasted longer than I thought it would, and I got impatient. While waiting, I changed my clothes and thawed some meat. When I returned, I discovered the grill had wedged itself between the uprights of the stand. (The whole thing is flimsy anyway).

After pulling it apart and bending the stand back, I sat to watch the flames but I couldn’t wait. The brats on a plate were making my mouth water. I found the grate had deformed above the heat and was not level. I pressed down on the dome shape with my tongs and flattened the surface.

lighting the fire
With flames still burning, I put the brats on, but I couldn’t keep them from rolling. Still, I managed to get them cooked, applied mustard, and they were delicious. Next I thawed some turkey burgers and discovered room enough only for two. Well, perhaps four but they wouldn't be over the heat.

Okay, all in all, it’s not a bad product. You get what you pay for and the charcoal does light quickly. When I finished, the coals were still going, strong enough for many more burgers and brats. If one of those had been available twenty-six years ago, I would’ve been a hunk instead of a clunk.

She still married me, however. (It was too late to back out), and writing women’s fiction is teaching me more about romance. Maybe I should try the picnic again. Since I’m writing a cookbook, I might be able to write it off my taxes.

fire starts quickly

three brats the coals weren't ready yet

two turkey burgers

the disposable one next to my regular grill

the size of the shelf

I threw the leftovers in the recycling.