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NORTH POLE, Top of the World, Dec, 2008 (UPI via COMTEX) – Reliable sources say Christmas may have to be canceled, Santa’s been pumping Iron.
A source at the North Pole said today, “It’s a disaster. Santa has changed.” Others were quoted as saying, “How can we have Christmas? The big guy went buff.”
Of course not everyone is complaining. Santa’s reindeer are taking it easy. “Pulling the sleigh is like pulling a feather, now that Santa slimmed down,” Donner said. “I didn’t want to say anything before, but the past couple of years has taken the prance out of my step,” Prancer said. “But now, I've been skipping through the sky.”
We asked Bernard, the chief elf, what happened? “Well, he’s been delivering too many heavy Dutch ovens. He gets too much execise lugging them around, and four cookies and a glass of milk. just isn't emough to replenish his portly stature. Sometimes he doesn't even get that much." When asked what they would do now, Bernard said, “I don’t know. We’re going to have an emergency meeting of the Elf's union local 911 to bounce ideas around.”
He suggested that all those good boys and girls who got Dutch ovens last Christmas take them out of the box this year, and cook something for Santa." "It’s the least they can do," Bernard said. "Give back a little of what they received.”
We asked Doctor Mortimer, Santa’s personal physician, about Santa’s condition and he told us, "Santa's on a strict diet of 5 meals a day, along with forced resting. He's watching reruns of Gilligan’s Island to get his jolly chuckle back."
So there you have it. The elves are sure that Santa will be back, but you can help out. You can cook a 4-pot meal on Christmas Eve, and give it the the Jolly Old Elf. (Especially if you want a Cast iron gift this year.
Return to the Neighborhood.
A source at the North Pole said today, “It’s a disaster. Santa has changed.” Others were quoted as saying, “How can we have Christmas? The big guy went buff.”
Of course not everyone is complaining. Santa’s reindeer are taking it easy. “Pulling the sleigh is like pulling a feather, now that Santa slimmed down,” Donner said. “I didn’t want to say anything before, but the past couple of years has taken the prance out of my step,” Prancer said. “But now, I've been skipping through the sky.”
We asked Bernard, the chief elf, what happened? “Well, he’s been delivering too many heavy Dutch ovens. He gets too much execise lugging them around, and four cookies and a glass of milk. just isn't emough to replenish his portly stature. Sometimes he doesn't even get that much." When asked what they would do now, Bernard said, “I don’t know. We’re going to have an emergency meeting of the Elf's union local 911 to bounce ideas around.”
He suggested that all those good boys and girls who got Dutch ovens last Christmas take them out of the box this year, and cook something for Santa." "It’s the least they can do," Bernard said. "Give back a little of what they received.”
We asked Doctor Mortimer, Santa’s personal physician, about Santa’s condition and he told us, "Santa's on a strict diet of 5 meals a day, along with forced resting. He's watching reruns of Gilligan’s Island to get his jolly chuckle back."
So there you have it. The elves are sure that Santa will be back, but you can help out. You can cook a 4-pot meal on Christmas Eve, and give it the the Jolly Old Elf. (Especially if you want a Cast iron gift this year.
Return to the Neighborhood.
3 comments:
Funny! Good idea for a fun story, Keith. Also a great idea for a Christmas Eve dinner.
Nichole
You never cease to amaze me! Creative story and very funny!
Very funny, Keith. Love it! Great post.
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